-i'm in pain, but i'm not dying. i will not die from this pain.
-i actually have several options when my pain and bleeding symptoms are at their peak:
a) i can just take in all the pain, and not complain
b) i can be proactive about the whole thing
c) i can hit my little yoga room and "try to" meditate the pain away
d) i can curse the too much blood clots coming out of my vagina
e) i can pop another dolfenal (mefenamic acid) to lessen the pain every time my uterus contracts to expel blood
f) i can pick up chuck palahniuk's fight club lying on my sofa and read
g) i can go back upstairs to my bed and attempt sleep OR
h) i can get a knife and slice the three-inch length of my beautiful uterus and end it all
-i'm scared that bad thoughts are starting to get inside my head. i'm not sure how long i could hold off the bad thoughts. i'm just thankful that i'm such a scaredy-cat at actually harming myself. heck, my body is doing a pretty good job without me lifting a finger. i hate that the pain and bleeding symptoms have this sense of control over me. every time i think about cutting up my uterus or wishing the taxi i'm in would crash, i only have to think of one man to snap me out of the dumpster. i only have to think of TERRY FOX, and i'm back to being grateful. i only recently heard of his name, but he's somehow a big inspiration about NOT QUITTING.
Read UP his story here. This picture of him has been imprinted in my head since i read about his story while editing an article for work.
Photo Credit: Wikipedia
when i'm in pain, and terry fox's story comes to mind - i feel a bit of shame for being so negative about my whole situation. while shame is there, i definitely also feel deep gratitude that what i have is nothing compared to what he had endured.
SO yeah, LOVE LIFE or die trying..
PS. understand the negativity since i've been in and out of the john since 7 pm and to date, expelled almost half-fist size blood clots four or five times..
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hi! thanks for reading. do you have or know anyone with adenomyosis? perhaps we could share experiences. would love to hear yours and possibly offer support.